Tori's Blog

Think Happy Thoughts

Thursday, September 3rd, 2009

I recently came across a “method” of childbirth preparation called BornClear. This is a program developed by a woman in New York following the homebirths of her two children. Their information states that this method “ensures that the best way to give your baby the easiest birth is to be aware of your feelings and translate those into pleasant thoughts toward the baby and his or her health.” Couples are further reminded to “keep worries out of their minds and to remember to stay calm”.

I certainly love the idea of positive thought and mind-body connections but the BornClear information additionally states that difficult births and negative experiences are a result of thoughts, feelings and questions not being “aligned” prior to the birth. Wow! Here goes the Mama Bear in me.

If I were a “soon-to-be” new mom, not only am I adapting to all the changes I am going through but now I am also told that it is better for my baby and my birth will be easier so long as I have happy thoughts? Argh! Again – so terribly unfair and so completely misleading. To even suggest that if you just think, feel and prepare in a certain way that everything will be happy and good and just perfect is just plain nonsense. To say with certainty that with this method you can have your birth experience be just how you wish it to be is simply not true.

In a perfect world, designing our experiences would be wonderful but that is not how nature operates. Sometimes natural events do coincide with our hopes as to how they will be and sometimes they don’t. I can’t tell you how many women I have helped overcome very deep feelings of “having failed” because nature gave them a different kind of birth experience than they planned for. How can we possibly know how a natural event will play out before it does or how we will respond until we are right there in it? We absolutely cannot. What we can do is help women learn to let go of their expectations of how things “should be” and provide them with tools to welcome and trust them as they are.

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