Tori's Blog


Thursday, August 8th, 2019

First there is sex – hopefully, really great sex. And sometimes sex ultimately leads to babies. There can be sex that results in a surprise baby. Or, there is “let’s make a baby while having great sex” sex.

Or… there can be sex specifically to “make” a baby and, frequently, that kind of sex may not be the greatest  –  there can be a bit of pressure to it.  Taking your temperature or using an ovulation kit and then knowing that you need to have sex at a specified time or several times over a few days can result in less than stellar feelings of longing.

And then there is making a baby without sex. This version is a highly charged roller coaster, but is simply a fact of life for many. There were several years when I was trying to have a baby with reproductive assistance. I distinctly recall one time when I was at the fertility center and Ray was having a knee arthroscopy… across town. That’s just how the timing was. I did not get pregnant then.

But finally there is a pregnancy, and then, sex takes on a whole new dimension. There may be nausea and the phenomenal ability to sleep through all activities of daily living during the first trimester. So… not much sex then.

Moving through the second trimester may bring on quite an “I can’t get enough of you baby”  tone, which may come as a pleasant and confusing surprise to Dad. Lots of lovely hormones flowing during this time.

Then, there is third trimester sex. Sometimes dads get anxious, worried. Wondering if they are hurting the baby during sex. Moms may feel different about their changing bodies. There may be physical discomfort or really just the urge to curl up in flannel jammies.

I cried every night during the last month I was pregnant with Alexander. That gianormous 6 pound baby stretched my ribs like a shoe horn. Simply miserable. Oh, and the puffy feet – totally hot.

So, why do I write about this today? Because I always get my hackles up when I see some “new” piece of research that proclaims that sex is “safe” during pregnancy. Well, of course it is. Why on earth would it not be? It bothers me that in this age of  “we really should focus our research on curing disease or learning more about what we don’t fully understand” that these kinds of studies take place.

Certainly, there are times when sex is absolutely NOT a good idea and possibly can cause risk in a pregnancy, but the reasons are generally very specific and certainly not new. And, of course, you should always follow the advice of your own practitioner, based on your own particular circumstances.

If there are no contraindications, I wish you great and creative sex during your pregnancy. And please, especially during your last weeks of pregnancy, keep a wonderful sense of humor. Because things really can get kind of funny.

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