Tori's Blog

Same Sex Families

Wednesday, March 11th, 2009

I am in the line of work of building families. Well, actually not building them (their parents do that) but rather welcoming beautiful children into families. Families of all types, from all different kinds of backgrounds. It is remarkable all of the ways families can be created. I grew up in a traditional, Midwestern family. Within my own family, I have two stepsons, four “grandchildren” who call me “Tia”. They have four sets of grandparents and my own son calls my husband’s ex-wife Grandma.

I have a girlfriend whose son was conceived through a sperm donor because she did not find a loving partner by the time she was at the end of her biological clock. And she very much wanted to bring a child into her life. My sister adopted a baby from Bulgaria and I have shared in the birth of beautiful twin girls to a gay male couple through a surrogate. I have attended the births of many same sex couples and couples with whom one partner was in the process of sexual transformation. My son has friends who are being raised by a mom and a dad, just a mom or a dad, two moms, an aunt, a grandma and two dads. Some families share differing ethnic backgrounds and some speak more than one language in the family.

This week there was an article about Iron Chef Cat Cora and her lesbian partner both being pregnant at the same time. They also have two older children together. They love their children no differently than any heterosexual couple that I know. Yes, I live in Northern California and yes; it is possible that we do have a more open and diverse population than some other areas. We do, however have our own share of intolerance as is evident by the sad and narrow-minded success of Proposition 8 which prevents same sex couples from marrying.

The same things that are right in traditional families are the same things that are right in same-sex families. Children come into the world with only a few basic needs; food, shelter and love. LOVE. Love from their parents. Simple and honest and non-conditional. The miracle of children is that they accept love from their parents no matter how those relationships are configured. Solid and well-researched studies show that same-sex parents raise well-adjusted and happy kids. Could it be as uncomplicated as that they live in families with parents who love one other? It really is time to stop focusing on who adults choose to partner with and instead focus on building families in which children grow up surrounded by love.

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