Tori's Blog

I Think I May Be A Bad Mommy Too

Thursday, May 14th, 2009

43437_23978535It could just be my imagination but it seems as though more and more frequently I am reading articles and blog posts that vilify women who openly speak about their struggles and feelings about motherhood. The backlash against Ayelet Waldman and her recent book, Bad Mother is only one example of many. In the book she openly talks about how she feels about her husband and her kids. Her crime seems to be her honesty and her pointed observation that the expectation of mothers is completely unreachable. Funny thing is that her family doesn’t seem to be disturbed by any of what she says. She seems to be in a happy marriage and has 4 pretty well adjusted kids. So what’s the problem?

Romi Lassally’s new book, True Mom Confessions is a refreshing mix of humor and the reality of the real-life days of motherhood. Mother Jones recently published a controversial article on women who choose not to breastfeed. Interestingly enough it noted that the pro-feminist crowd denigrated women who didn’t breast feed. Sadly, I believe the judgments and the polarization often begin in pregnancy. So many questions to a new or newly pregnant mom. Did you have natural childbirth, you’re eating what? Are you breastfeeding, co-sleeping, using organic diapers, making your own baby food? And so on. Next week I’ll talk more about the pressures placed on pregnant women (by other women) to make the “right” choices for their births.

We all make choices all the time, good ones and not so good ones. We are far from perfect and neither is the world. I ask the question so often; can we, as women, simply support one another in our most challenging and rewarding role instead of deciding who is the better mommy? Sometimes Alexander eats Frosted Flakes, we have been to MacDonald’s, we own a trampoline and I let the dog lick him right on the lips. We also laugh a lot and he has a pretty great perspective on the world.

This is wonderful piece that Jay Leno did some years back about keeping a good perspective on raising our kids. At the end of the day when our kids know how much we love them, we all are “good mommies”.

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